21

And i feel like crap.

Oh hello

Blog.

Long time no .... blog, blog. I missed you. And missed having to discreetly express all my emotions through you. Ok, maybe not discreetly.

I've made a lot of bad decisions in my lifetime. Some have been for the better and some have been for the worst. When i think about the decisions i make with a particular character, i can't decide whether it'll will do me good or bad, but it always feels right until someone else voices their opinion and tells me otherwise.

I hate when you're unable to decipher what you really want because of the opinions other people make on your decisions. You'll be sure about something one second, and the next second, you'll be questioning yourself over and over.

If you're meant to make decisions for yourself, and do what's best for you... why are we always constantly seeking other peoples opinions and approval? Is it better to keep to yourself and trust your own instinct or is it better to seek advice from someone wise with more experience?

There's always a conflicting battle within myself regarding this matter. Sometimes i feel like i need to do what i think is best for myself. Making sure i'm independent with my head screwed on. But other times, i feel the need to burden other people with my problems and seek advice, because i don't know if what i want to do... is actually what i want to do. And it's so hard because when i do seek advice, and i hear the advice i don't wanna hear... i'll completely disregard it and do the complete opposite because it doesn't feel right.

What's wrong with me?

I don't know what i want. I don't know what it is i need... but whatever it is, i think i'm too scared to get it. Or not ready for it... *sigh*

Milestone

Sometimes I feel so alone.
I call your heart,
But there's no one at home.
Taking a toll on my pride, pride.
I'm reaching out,
But there's no one inside.
You know it doesn't feel right, when I look in your eyes.
I know love is blind, but the heart doesn't lie.
I'll ask one more time, maybe this time you'll try,
So tell me girl what's deep in your heart.

Girl, I care 'bout you.
I'm there for you,
So why don't you care for me,
Like I care 'bout you.

I spend like all of my days baby,
Trying to sort out just how things got this way.
I thought that we were in love,
But I swear right now I don't know what you want.
I make sure that I give you quality time,
But lately I feel you're not home by this time.
But still I'm gon' try, to give you the love of my life
In hopes that you, that you will open up your heart.

Girl, I care 'bout you.
I'm there for you,
So why don't you care for me,
Like I care 'bout you.

Sometimes, sometimes I'm not sure that,
I'm all you've got,
Sometimes I'm not sure you love me or not.
One thing that i am certain of,
Girl I care for you,
And the one thing that I want is that you care for me too.

Girl, I care 'bout you.
I'm there for you,
So why don't you care for me,
Like I care 'bout you.